So, yesterday was a banner day in CrazyTown, USA (formerly known as Tampa, Florida). Hurricane Isaac saw the GOP coming and got the hell out of town. He got out just in the nick of time, it turns out, because there was more bullshit flying in that convention hall than on any midwestern farm in America. Let’s start with Chris Christie, the GOP’s keynote speaker. Isaac may have moved on, but this bag of lard has plenty of hot air in him. Prior to his speech, he went on air and stated that the GOP shouldn’t have to cater to women with a different message. Hell, no. We only represent 53% of the voting public. According to Christie, his party’s message will resonate with women as much as it will with men. What’s his party’s message? Rich, white, arrogant men know better than women what they should be doing with their bodies.That’s it, plain and simple. According to Christie, catering to women is “condescending.” Oh, yeah. Uh Huh. Redefining “rape” is not only condescending. It’s insulting, and it should clearly show just exactly what the GOP thinks of women. In their minds, and as stated by golden boy Paul Ryan, rape is merely another method of conception.

Christie is right. We don’t need to be “catered” to. What we need is for the GOP to get the hell out of our private lives and deal with the real issues that affect the nation. What we need is for the GOP to stop this ridiculous assault on women’s health care and reproductive rights. What we need is for the GOP to stop marginalizing women by voting down the Fair Pay Act and ensuring that we get paid the same as men for the same job. If women haven’t figured out by now that the GOP doesn’t give a rat’s ass about them, I fear that they might just be as dumb as the GOP is counting on them to be come voting day. The following video was filmed in New Hampshire in January when Christie stumped for Mitt Romney. Listen to the way he speaks to the woman in the audience. Does this sound like a guy who respects women?

I work in retail, and it really irks me when men I don’t know refer to me as “sweetheart,” “darling,” and “honey.” I’m none of those things. In fact, I don’t even know the majority of them. I consider those terms condescending. I’d prefer a simple “thank you.” Not only does Christie use these condescending terms when addressing the issues raised by the woman in the video, but he uses them with a fair amount of vitriol. Oh yeah, by the way, when Christie speaks about job creation, let’s remember that Christie’s state of New Jersey ranked 47th in that category while Romneny’s (Massachusetts) ranked 48th. Not dead last, but damned close. I wouldn’t brag too much about those numbers.

Last evening in CrazyTown, Christie spoke about his heritage. He talked about his poverty-stricken dad, who served in the Army, then came home and worked in a Breyers Ice Cream plant and put himself through college on the GI Bill. Who the hell does he think funded that G.I. Bill? Of course, he’s probably conveniently forgotten. It was funded by the taxpayers of America. It’s not like it was a gift from the heavens. Christie’s speech was the standard fare for these bullshit artists: America. Mom. Dad. Apple pie. Freedom. We’ve heard this all before. Shit. I’d rather watch the Red Sox implode in the ninth inning than listen to this crap. Someone noted that Christie mentioned Mitt Romney’s name only seven times while he mentioned the word “I” more than three dozen times. Surprised? I’m not. There are two possible reasons for that: Either he’s an egomaniac or he’s setting himself up for a 2016 presidential run. Spare me. Please. Let’s hope it’s the former because I’d never be able to stomach four years of the human version of the Hindenburg.

Christie was preceded by sudden mainstream media darling, the charming Ann Romney. (Is it possible for this woman to exude charm?) This is the same Ann Romney, by the way, who refers to herself as a stay-at-home mom. She talked about the women who worry at night about making it through another day…the working mothers who wish they could stay home with their children. Shit fire and save matches, she just loves us women. She identifies with us. That was the first lie. Ann Romney may have not worked a day in her life, but she employed maids and cooks and laundresses, as well as a full-time African-American housekeeper named “Birdie,” to help around the house. And those are the people we actually know about because the Romney’s have not one, but three houses. Stay-at-home mom my ass. It’s not that we begrudge Ann Romney her wealth. It’s that she pretends not to be wealthy. Aside from her husband’s fortune, Mrs. Romney is an avid equestrian whose horses are valued at more than $250,000. That doesn’t sound like any of the stay-at-home moms I know. We’re not asking for an apology for what you’ve become, Ann. We’re asking you to stop trying to bullshit us. But she told an even bigger lie. She uttered the words, “You can trust Mitt.”

We can trust Mitt? This is a guy who has broken a decades old tradition of releasing tax returns during a presidential campaign. Why? Because he doesn’t want us to find out WTF he’s up to. That’s why. We can trust Mitt who keeps millions of dollars offshore in the Caymans and other discreet tax havens so that he doesn’t have to pay his fair share. We can trust Mitt who has boasted that he’s never paid less than 13% in taxes. Hell, Mitt, the vast majority of Americans are paying about 34% every year on about an eighth of what you earn. Romney’s tax deduction ($77,000) for his wife’s dancing horse was more than the average American earns in a year. Don’t tell us that the middle class can trust Mitt. Woman can’t trust Mitt, who has bought into the GOP platform that seeks to roll back women’s rights to pre-1950 levels. He’ll be happy to appoint a Supreme Court justice to overturn Roe v. Wade. He’ll be happy to support a ban on abortion, without exception for rape, incest and in the event that the mother’s life is in danger. LGBT Americans can’t trust Mitt, who has repeatedly stated his support for a Constitutional amendment permanently banning same-sex marriage. Shit, the GOP platform doesn’t even want to acknowledge civil unions. He’s chosen a running mate in Paul Ryan (oh, he’ll whip up the mass of human dung in CrazyTown tonight!) whose goal is to slash Medicare and Social Security, hanging the elderly out to dry. The GOP’s favorite word is “privatization.” You remember that. Basically, it’s putting people’s EARNED BENEFITS (don’t refer to them as entitlements) at the mercy of the stock market. Remember how well that worked back in 2008? He also wants to slash Medicare and Food Stamps, turning them into block grants that would be run at the discretion of individual states. The needy can’t trust Mitt Romney because he praised Ryan’s program. Can Mitt Romney marginalize many more people? Unless you happen to be one of the wealthiest Americans, you damn well better not trust Mitt Romney. I don’t care what Ann is telling you.

The heart and soul of the GOP?

So, who else besides the asshats mentioned above represents the heart and soul of the GOP? Just give a listen. There are plenty out there. How about Joe the Plumber, now known as Joe Wurzelbacher? He’s running for a congressional seat in his home state of Ohio and has stated that troops aren’t killing enough Mexicans at the border. At a campaign rally this month for Arizona state Sen. Lori Klein he said that the government should “put a damn fence on the border going with Mexico and start shooting.”

Or maybe Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona who, in April, signed into law the most extreme anti-abortion legislation in the nation. Arizona now defines gestational age as beginning on the first day of a woman’s last period, effectively shutting down non-surgical medication abortions, which are usually performed within the first nine weeks of pregnancy. Other portions of the bill include public school education that prioritizes birth and adoption, and signs throughout health care facilities warning against abortion “coercion.” How about this one: Abortion counseling for women who wish to terminate pregnancies due to fetal abnormalities and, if the abnormality is certain to be fatal, the counseling incorporates  perinatal hospice information prior to ending the pregnancy. Arizona has the nerve to call this law the Women’s Health and Safety Act.

Then there’s Rush Limbaugh, undoubtedly one of the key faces of the GOP. How do we know that? This loud-mouthed lout makes the most outrageously racist and bigoted statements, yet you’d be hard-pressed to find any member of the GOP denouncing him. On Monday, Limbaugh stated that he hoped Hurricane Isaac kills lots of poor Democrats in New Orleans so that it can be a more Republican state. Let’s not split hairs here. Everyone knows that when Limbaugh talks about “poor Democrats” he’s talking about black people. This isn’t the first time fatboy has crossed the line, yet he’s allowed to clog up the airwaves with his own brand of bigotry and hatred.

These folks represent the heart and soul of the GOP. Buyer beware.