The GOP NutCake Bandwagon has officially pulled into CrazyTown, formerly known as Tampa, Florida, towing behind it the most vicious and extreme GOP Platform in the history of the party. I’m pretty sure Dwight D. Eisenhower must be turning over in his grave right now. I don’t want to hear how platforms aren’t important anymore. That’s pure bullshit. This particular platform is the guiding mantra of the 2012 GOP, whose ultimate goal is to set women back decades, continue to vilify the LGBT community, infuse the youth of America (read: YOUR CHILDREN) with their twisted Tea Party logic, and ensure that the rich continue to get richer at the expense of the poor and middle class.

I like the sound of CrazyTown. I admit it. But maybe it should be EvilTown. Somehow, calling the members of the GOP “crazy” is like giving them an excuse for their nastiness and utter disdain for the American people because, let’s face it, the vast majority of us are not wealthy. We are the 99%. Or the 98%. Or whatever. What’s one percentage point anyway? Either way, the GOP is the party of the “chosen few.” To understand just how bad the GOP is, you have to take a look at what made it into the GOP platform, which Gov. Bob McDonnell (R-VA) says “will reflect the heart and soul of the Republican party.”  Here’s a little preview:

  • A Constitutional ban on abortion, with no exception for rape and incest. Sweet, aren’t they? The idea of forcing women to bear a child conceived out of rape and/or incest is nothing short of cruel. It was Rick Santorum who once stated that women should simply embrace the gift that God has given them, even if the child was conceived in a hateful manner. Let’s make one thing clear here: This is not simply Rick Santorum’s attitude. It is the attitude of the vast majority of GOP members, including Mitt Romney, the man who has been anointed as the GOP candidate for the presidency. I also want to point out that there is no exception even if the woman’s life is in danger. For all those women who may be considering a check mark next to the GOP candidate, I urge you to think seriously about it. The GOP doesn’t give a shit about women beyond their ability to function as  breeders for and servants to their men. Here we are in 2012 with abortion a major election issue a full 40 years after Roe v. Wade, and we are just one Supreme Court appointment away from overturning this decision. Here’s another reminder about the man who Mitt Romney has chosen as his running mate: To Paul Ryan, rape is simply another method of conception. It was Ryan who teamed up with Todd Akin of “legitimate” rape fame to co-sponsor a bill that would redefine what rape is.
  • No legal recognition of same-sex marriage. In fact, no recognition of civil unions either, which Jim Bopp (an adviser to Romney) called “counterfeit marriage.” So, ladies, you shouldn’t feel completely alone. The GOP also doesn’t give a shit about LGBT Americans or the U.S. Constitution. For the GOP, the Constitution is simply now a throw-away document. They are now the official “deciders” for those who should and should not be given their civil rights, even as the nation is moving entirely in the opposite direction. Keep in mind that the Obama administration has decided not to defend DOMA in court, largely because it has now been declared unconstitutional not once, but six times. Yet, John Boehner and his tiny brain trust continue to waste taxpayer dollars (to the tune of about $1.5 million) mounting a defense of this absurd law. The GOP’s refusal to recognize civil unions or to even affirm the legal equality of same-sex couples prompted GOProud, a LGBT Republican group, to come out and state that it has hurt Romney’s candidacy. Know what I say to GOProud? Suck it up, children. How any LGBT group in American can even think of backing the GOP is beyond me. It’s total lunacy and the biggest oxymoron in the nation. As my mother would say, you’ve made your bed, now lie in it.
  • Enact Arizona-style immigration laws. You knew this was coming. All of our problems have been caused by uppity women, gay people and anyone who isn’t whitebread (read: IMMIGRANTS). Never mind that we terrorized the true Americans and stuck them on reservations. Never mind that this country is made up of immigrants. Somehow, these asshats have rewritten history. Now they want to mold the country into a renegade nation in the likeness of Sheriff Joe Arpaio who, by the way, will speak to an invitation-only reception during the GOP convention in CrazyTown.  The GOP likes bigots like Arpaio who, I regret to say, is of Italian descent. Keep in mind that the GOP is embracing the Captain of Racial Profiling, who will soon face a Department of Justice lawsuit against his office. Mitt Romney doesn’t have to show us his tax returns, but pretty soon we may all have to show him our papers if we’re not “American” enough.
  • Condemnation of “social experimentation” in the military. Pretty sophisticated words for the GOP, don’t you think? What it boils down to  is a repeal of the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. It also covers a ban on military personnel wearing their uniforms at gay pride events and women serving on the front lines during combat. Oh, that GOP. They’re full of surprises, aren’t they? Except none of this should be a surprise, particularly if you pay attention to what they’ve been saying since their return to power in 2010. Nobody should be aghast at any of this.
  • No new taxes…except for war. There should be no surprise here either. The platform calls for a Constitutional amendment requiring a super majority for tax increases, except in the case of war and national emergencies. I suppose that they mean something like Hurricane Katrina when they talk about national emergencies…because they did such a great job the first time around. Right? War. One of the GOP’s favorite pastimes, as long as none of their family members are serving. Remember, Romney stated that he got a deferment during the Viet Nam war because he was bound for greater things. And his children chose not to serve because they are showing their patriotism in other ways — like getting him elected because he’s going to be a great president. Here’s the reality: The wealthiest don’t serve in the wars. Just the middle class and the poor. Take a look at history. The wealthiest create and support the wars because America no longer goes to war for the greater good. We go to war to continue to dominate and to protect the business interests of the wealthiest Americans. Like oil.

So, who are the architects of this great guiding document? Well, there are six extremists responsible for this. I don’t need to go into detail here because AlterNet has a great rundown of the dogs who wrote this thing. But remember folks, while they may have been the architects, the GOP had to vote its approval. And it did, all the way down to Mitt Romney. There’s no elegant way for me to put this, so here goes: Wake the fuck up before November. Be careful what you wish for, because you are going to get it stuck to you but good should the GOP prevail. By the way, I’m not planning on watching any of it. I never did like carnival clowns.